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Victoria Loewenstern & Delilah Singer 29 min

From Office to Owner


Victoria and Delilah chat with Stephanie Loewenstern, founder of Bright Link Talent, where she discusses running her own company while balancing being a single mom.



0:00

All right, guys, let's huddle up.

0:04

Today we have a very special guest,

0:07

my sister, Stephanie Lowenstein.

0:10

Stephanie.

0:12

- Oh, yeah.

0:12

- Whoo, claps.

0:15

Stephanie is actually the main person

0:18

who got me into tech sales

0:21

and who got me into being an SDR in the first place.

0:24

So Steph, I owe you a lot of credit.

0:26

Do you wanna go ahead and introduce yourself,

0:29

where you're at, what your role is, and so forth?

0:32

- Sure, first of all, I wanna say,

0:33

I'm proud of my little sisters.

0:36

Delilah and Victoria, I definitely wanna take a moment

0:39

to acknowledge you.

0:40

Thanks for having me.

0:42

My name is Stephanie Lowenstein,

0:43

I'm the founder of Brightling Talent.

0:45

I specialize in working with high growth technology companies.

0:49

And typically the earlier stage focused

0:53

on helping them with hiring strategy

0:54

and any hires that are go-to-market.

0:56

So sales, marketing, ops, anything,

0:58

not engineering, essentially.

1:00

Started it five years ago,

1:03

just celebrated five years in business.

1:05

It's exciting, and yeah, I enjoy it.

1:08

Whoo!

1:09

- So essentially, if you are in tech

1:11

and you're watching this

1:12

and you are seeking a job, look no further

1:16

than Stephanie and her team at Brightling Talent,

1:19

'cause they are amazing.

1:20

- If you're a hiring manager

1:21

or you're a startup that's stuck on hiring,

1:24

you know where to find a really good consultant.

1:26

She does it all.

1:28

So speaking of doing it all,

1:30

I would love for you to start off by telling us.

1:32

So a little bit of extra background on stuff.

1:35

She came from sort of like a corporate job

1:38

where she was doing a lot of similar work to an SDR

1:41

and she actually broke away from that

1:43

and started her own business

1:44

hence her five year anniversary with Brightling Talent

1:47

that just came up.

1:48

So I would love to hear how you kind of built up

1:52

that courage to leave that role, that corporate role

1:54

and start your own business

1:56

and what inspired you to do that.

1:58

- Well, first I will preface with saying Victoria

2:00

and I come from a family entrepreneur.

2:03

So it's been in our blood.

2:04

I always knew I enjoyed making money, right?

2:08

Or like, I always enjoyed the hustle.

2:10

So when I started working and staffing in 2014,

2:15

I had this intuitive thought

2:16

that I was gonna end up doing this for myself.

2:18

In 2017, I moved to New York City

2:21

to work for a recruiting agency.

2:23

And I was on the sales side

2:25

and I was focused on generating new business

2:28

for the company.

2:28

It was a split desk.

2:29

So I wasn't at the time focused on recruiting.

2:31

I had done that prior.

2:33

- Interesting.

2:34

- And to put it bluntly, I was in an office

2:37

with a bunch of mean girls.

2:38

So there was about six of us.

2:40

The company was great, the culture was great.

2:41

We were just a satellite office

2:43

and the culture was just different.

2:44

So at one point, I kind of just got tired of it.

2:48

I'm tired of trying to fit in,

2:50

tired of trying to be in this mold.

2:52

I was doing 50 to 60 phone calls of outreach day.

2:55

It was hustling around the city,

2:56

like a little girl at 60 grand.

2:58

That's it.

2:59

So I thought, why do I do this for myself?

3:02

Like, why am I working so hard?

3:04

I might as well have just worked so hard for myself

3:07

and see what happens,

3:08

rather than make this amount of money for this business

3:11

and be unhappy because of the culture.

3:14

So I took a leap of faith and I left.

3:17

- Wow, amazing.

3:18

- Yeah.

3:19

So that's amazing.

3:21

So you had a little bit of recruiting background,

3:23

kind of switched to sales.

3:24

So you had, you combined the two

3:26

and created your own business,

3:28

Brightling Telling,

3:29

that's where you have both sides of the business.

3:32

So is it hard?

3:33

Do you find balancing like the recruiting portion

3:36

with the sales or do you like,

3:39

do you have a good flow of that now?

3:41

Like how was that building that portion up over the years?

3:44

- It's hard.

3:44

I'll be honest with you,

3:46

especially 'cause my life has changed so much

3:47

throughout the five years.

3:49

I went from being single in New York City,

3:51

hustling, running around with,

3:52

it's like almost like that beginner mindset

3:54

when you start a new job

3:54

and they're like just kind of just fish

3:56

and try to figure it out

3:57

and then we'll narrow and go from there.

3:58

It's essentially what I was doing.

3:59

So when my lifestyle was different,

4:02

it was a little easier.

4:03

Fast forward five years,

4:05

I'm a single mother with full time custody,

4:08

essentially of my son.

4:09

So like it's a lot different.

4:11

I don't have the same freedom and flexibility

4:12

to be like running around and going to networking events.

4:14

So a lot of it throughout the years

4:16

have been like word of mouth and referrals

4:18

and it's been flows.

4:19

It has inflows and the important part

4:20

has been like supporting myself with the team.

4:22

So like a recruiter helps me with like the screens

4:26

and other people in my corner

4:28

who I'm building relationships to get that flow going.

4:31

- What would you say is like the most challenging part

4:35

of maintaining your own business?

4:37

- Quite frankly, it's different

4:39

and I literally just had been sharing this.

4:40

I think being a full time single mom to change the game.

4:43

In a good way too though,

4:44

it's made me be more organized and efficient with my time

4:47

and understanding like who are the types of clients

4:49

I wanna work with and who are the types that I don't.

4:51

And it also has enforced me to create boundaries

4:53

and processes that will make me more successful

4:56

as I continue to grow my consulting business

4:57

and my recruiting practice.

4:59

- I also feel like it probably just gives you

5:01

really good motivation too because it's like

5:04

you have yourself to rely on and Benjamin only has you

5:09

to rely on.

5:09

So it gives you that motivation to want to be able

5:12

to provide and hustle and be able to give him

5:17

the life that we essentially grew up with as well.

5:20

- I have to agree with you.

5:22

Like I had a level of success like before I Benjamin.

5:24

Like when a lot of us recruiters were like

5:26

at the height of our game,

5:27

honestly like companies were throwing money around,

5:29

it wasn't as competitive.

5:31

And I think that when I became a new mother,

5:34

it was hard for me to work at the capacity

5:37

and at the pace that I was used to prior.

5:39

So it was very frustrating because things weren't flowing

5:41

in like I was used to.

5:43

I think now that it's been a year since my son was born

5:47

and like the smoke has cleared,

5:49

I have more energy and drive to create that future for my son.

5:54

Therefore, my strategy now is, you know,

5:57

creating content on LinkedIn, reaching out,

5:58

being more direct and asking for support,

6:00

asking for referrals, giving before I'm getting,

6:02

like being generous with my time in my lead.

6:05

So again, just to answer your question to Lila,

6:07

like it's just up and down managing the two.

6:10

Like any business.

6:11

- Yeah, for sure.

6:12

But that brings me kind of to my next point is like,

6:14

I don't know, Steph, maybe realize how hardworking you are.

6:17

I mean, it's pretty obvious if you're just listening

6:19

to this podcast, she is a business owner, a single mother.

6:24

She's recruiting, she's also trying to sell and network.

6:28

Like you're wearing so many different hats.

6:30

I know you probably don't have a simple answer for this,

6:33

but can you tell us a little bit about how you balance

6:36

your work and life together?

6:38

I'm sure there's so many people watching this

6:40

that can relate to like being a mother and also working.

6:43

And you seem, I mean, it looks on the outside.

6:46

You seem to have it figured out,

6:47

which you're doing great job if you don't,

6:50

because it looks like it.

6:51

But yeah, talk to us a little bit about that.

6:53

- It's funny you say this to Lila

6:54

because I'm literally this week have been posting

6:57

some more content and having more conversations

6:59

with people about like the work-life balance.

7:02

It's interesting you say that I'm like managing it

7:05

behind closed doors.

7:06

It's extremely difficult.

7:08

And the process of learning is extremely painful

7:10

and it's not easy.

7:13

So I don't want to give off the impression

7:15

that I have it figured out,

7:16

but I'm learning and I know I've gotten a lot better at it

7:19

than I did or how I was being effective, you know,

7:22

a year ago when my son was three months old.

7:24

- Maybe you can talk about also the upside that you've seen.

7:29

Like sure, there's been a lot of challenges,

7:31

but what about like the good things

7:33

that are coming out of it?

7:34

- I'm learning to just be myself

7:38

and rediscovering like who I am,

7:40

which essentially impacts the business, right?

7:43

So like I'm attracting the right customers

7:46

to my base.

7:47

I'm also connecting with my, with people on a human level,

7:49

which is so important when you're in the recruiting business.

7:52

Like you need to be a safe space for people

7:53

to like share vulnerably like what they're looking for

7:56

when they're hiring a team or what they're looking for

7:59

when they're going to their next position.

8:01

So, you know, and through my story, right?

8:03

Like if you really know my story, like I've been able

8:06

to inspire other people through my story.

8:08

So for example, I've had people, a ton of people DM me online

8:13

and say thank you so much for being vulnerable

8:14

and sharing this.

8:15

I'm enjoying your content.

8:16

People are feeling safe to reach out to me

8:18

and share and confidence what they're looking for

8:20

as their next step and their careers

8:22

because I'm creating that space.

8:23

So I think that that's one thing.

8:26

The other thing that's come out of this Victoria and Delilah

8:28

is knowing who I want to surround myself with,

8:30

which essentially is like creating

8:31

and like a leveling up my life.

8:34

And I wouldn't have had that opportunity

8:35

if I didn't cut the negativity out 15 months ago.

8:39

You know, they say like you're, you're a,

8:42

you're a combination of the five people

8:43

that you hang out with.

8:45

So let's just say that like it's essentially

8:47

way better now than it was.

8:49

- I think you mentioned a good point too

8:50

because when it comes to recruiting,

8:52

like your recruiters essentially, I don't know.

8:55

I think of them as like someone that you can be really

8:57

transparent with, vulnerable with like stuff.

9:00

I know that you've helped coach people

9:01

on negotiating salaries.

9:03

You've been there when they're crying, when they get rejected,

9:05

when they get accepted and it's kind of like a wave of emotions.

9:08

So maybe you can talk a little bit about that,

9:11

of how like you hold essentially your candidate

9:13

or even your client's hand.

9:15

- I feel like I've learned so much from working

9:18

with my clients and my candidates.

9:20

And like I said, like it's like any relationship,

9:22

even when it's new, it's really important to like set

9:24

like a level of trust.

9:25

And then like as you get to know each other

9:27

more things open up.

9:28

And I've honestly, some of my candidates

9:30

have become some of my closest friends.

9:31

Like, and ironically, some of like my best clients

9:34

came from candidates that I've never even placed,

9:35

but we've just created such a rap report

9:37

through the process that's, yeah, I don't know,

9:40

just like all trinkles together,

9:41

especially when you've been doing this on your own

9:43

for five years, like the relationships compound over time.

9:45

- You know, your job is really interesting

9:48

in the fact that you're, obviously you're dealing

9:50

with the accounts that need candidates,

9:53

but you're also dealing with the candidates

9:55

that are probably to Victoria's point

9:56

are in a very vulnerable state

9:59

and maybe aren't sure what their next steps

10:02

or maybe they were just in a riff or something.

10:04

And to be able to have a company that they can trust,

10:09

such as Breitling Talent that can really understand them

10:11

doesn't just see them as like another applicant,

10:14

like a number, right?

10:15

Just like a person, I think goes such a long way.

10:20

And that's why if you're not familiar with Stephanie

10:23

on LinkedIn, like she's very active

10:25

and her posts are amazing, but do you have,

10:27

I find that like I'm very attracted to the posts

10:30

that you make that are about your personal life

10:32

and like balancing, you know, being a single mom

10:35

and working because it happens to be very relatable.

10:38

And that's probably a lot of the accounts

10:40

and the candidates that you're dealing with

10:42

have maybe not entirely similar situations,

10:45

but tough situations that they have to work through now

10:48

and you are actually helping them get that next step.

10:51

Like what you're doing is bigger than most things.

10:55

Recruiters get like a bad rep at least some,

10:57

like some people are like, they just want money,

10:59

they just want to make the placement,

11:01

they want to push resumes across the table, fill bodies.

11:04

For me, it's like never been about that.

11:06

For me, it's about finding the right candidate

11:07

for the client and finding the right job

11:10

for the candidate.

11:10

And like honestly, you get a $30,000 commission

11:13

sitting in front of my face.

11:14

If it's not a fit, I have no problem pulling a candidate

11:17

out of a job if I think they're going to be miserable.

11:19

I don't care.

11:20

I live in this abundance mindset.

11:21

And if I come from a place of service,

11:23

it always works itself out in the end.

11:25

- Hey, men, that's incredible.

11:27

- Again, that's why I think it's so important,

11:29

which is great that you run your own show essentially, right?

11:34

So just being able to be there for the client

11:36

and for the candidate.

11:37

Maybe you can give some tips on how people

11:40

can negotiate their salary.

11:41

- I will preface by saying this.

11:43

There's so many different opinions.

11:44

So like you'll get canceled either way, you know?

11:47

How can, can you get me an example?

11:49

- No, we can't link you here.

11:50

It's a safe space.

11:51

- I was just going to say it's a safe space.

11:53

Can you give me an example?

11:57

- Maybe just talk to us about how you coach your candidates

12:02

on negotiating their salary.

12:04

I've heard some great success stories from candidates

12:07

that I've spoken with that have worked with you in the past

12:11

and have given nothing but great reviews.

12:13

So maybe you can just, you know, talk through that.

12:15

- I never think there's an issue with asking.

12:18

I think you should ask, like if you have a set bar,

12:21

but I will say pay transparency.

12:23

I do think it's really important to be transparent

12:25

about pay on the front end, okay?

12:27

So like if a company is only budgeted from like 150 to 200

12:31

and you're optimizing at this amount,

12:33

like it makes sense that you should know what you're getting

12:35

into as you move forward through the process.

12:37

But that's sad.

12:38

If you're talking five, $10,000, there are times

12:41

where I think it's okay to ask for more money

12:43

or ask for some sort of sign on or something.

12:46

If like you think about it,

12:46

it's like really just not gonna work.

12:48

I think that's okay.

12:49

I'll give an example.

12:50

I had a customer a few years ago who basically

12:55

loved a candidate of mine.

12:57

She got to the offer stage.

12:58

She gave her the highest ban that they had.

13:01

The candidate did come back and ask for an extra

13:03

like five or $10,000.

13:04

It annoyed the client.

13:06

Like she, it annoyed the client.

13:08

'Cause when the candidate asked me like, is it okay?

13:10

If like I just ask, I'm like, yeah,

13:11

there's nothing wrong with asking.

13:13

The client really wanted to pull the offer.

13:15

She was that annoyed.

13:19

Long story short, I ended up managing the two,

13:22

figuring it out.

13:23

She ended up accepting the offer at the ask

13:25

that she had came back with.

13:27

And about two, two and a half years later,

13:29

she's been promoted and she's doing great.

13:30

So like thank God that hiring manager who,

13:34

or the founder who was like a little taken back

13:36

by the bold ask moved through that

13:39

because she made a huge impact on their business

13:41

and continues to do so.

13:42

And for that candidates changed her life.

13:44

So she's super grateful that they were able

13:46

to work it out in the end.

13:47

So my point is like, I think it's okay to ask

13:49

but also know what you're getting into

13:52

before you move forward in the process.

13:53

And for the hiring managers or founders,

13:55

it's really important that you're clear

13:57

on like what you're willing to pay out

13:58

at the beginning and not at the end.

14:00

- Absolutely, I love that.

14:02

Now that just gets me curious because I feel like you do

14:06

work with hiring managers and SDRs quite frequently,

14:10

is what would you say are like the top three qualities

14:14

that hiring managers are looking for in an SDR?

14:18

- It's a really good question.

14:19

It differs per hiring manager and founders, right?

14:21

Like at different stages.

14:22

For example, you guys are in like a later stage

14:25

sort of situation.

14:26

I assume you have more trading and tools in place, right?

14:29

We're talking about like a scrappy startup.

14:30

I mean, people look for different things.

14:32

I've seen companies want someone who played sports

14:34

in school because it shows that they're competitive

14:37

and they have drive.

14:37

- So true.

14:38

- I've unfortunately seen some managers put fortunately

14:42

or unfortunately put too much emphasis on like education,

14:44

which is like--

14:45

- Interesting.

14:46

- Like I want them from this type of school.

14:48

It looks at the school.

14:49

Nope didn't go to one of these schools in this state out,

14:51

which is really upsetting.

14:52

- Okay, yeah.

14:53

- Yeah, that's a good point.

14:54

- That's new.

14:55

- Do I feel like we don't even look at schools really,

14:57

necessarily.

14:59

- Yeah, I mean, I'm telling, it's a Florida company

15:02

and if they had a community college, didn't want to opt in.

15:05

Even if I knew that this person was gonna be super hard

15:07

working was probably willing to work harder

15:09

than someone who went to UF, like whatever.

15:13

Nope, didn't want to talk to them.

15:14

As far as like what the three things

15:16

that they may be looking for, I would say is like grit,

15:18

someone who's hungry and someone willing to learn.

15:22

I would be curious what you guys,

15:23

what are the three things that you guys look for

15:24

when you're hiring?

15:26

- Those were spot on.

15:27

Like we always look for people with grit, hard working.

15:32

The only thing I would probably add is coachable

15:35

because a lot of different SDR orgs are different.

15:38

Obviously the products different

15:39

who we sell into the ICPs are different.

15:41

So being able to adapt with the changes

15:45

and always wanting to improve your process

15:47

and not be stuck in your old ways is really important.

15:50

- I also would say someone who's very creative

15:53

because as this role is always changing,

15:55

we want someone who again is gonna stay up with the times,

15:58

is it enough for you to put themselves out there,

16:01

get creative?

16:02

- Definitely.

16:03

That's why that's so weird to me,

16:06

that that account that you were talking about

16:09

is so particular on that person's background

16:11

because we care more about that person.

16:14

Like their head space, like their mentality,

16:18

their creativity, their ability to work hard,

16:22

things like that, not what school they went to

16:25

or any of that superficial stuff in my opinion.

16:29

- Right, 'cause if you look at the schools right now,

16:31

we don't have to get into it, but, you know,

16:33

doesn't really matter what school you go to,

16:35

there's gonna be hooligans anywhere.

16:36

(laughing)

16:40

And I'm referring to all the antisemitism

16:41

that's happening on all the college campuses right now.

16:44

Steph, why don't we talk about any mentors

16:49

that you've had in your life recently

16:51

that maybe helped you long in your career

16:56

or in your life or, you know, any mentors

17:01

that stick out to mine?

17:02

- There's a few, I mean, obviously, you know,

17:04

our parents have taught us like the meaning of like hard work

17:08

and providing for your family, which has played a huge role

17:10

in like where I'm at in my chapter,

17:12

especially with a unique set of circumstances.

17:15

There's a few that come to mind.

17:16

I mean, it's really hard to say

17:17

there's so many good people that I've met recently.

17:19

I think one of, so, so,

17:20

I just pivot back to something before I think

17:22

one of the benefits of like the experience

17:24

that I've had recently is it opened up doors

17:27

to so many amazing people that like,

17:28

I'm gonna be able to connect with.

17:30

So beyond just like recruiting mentors,

17:32

like just incredible people, like I'd be really sad,

17:36

like it's so hard.

17:37

I feel like I'd miss out on saying things.

17:39

I will say, I'm gonna bring up one person

17:42

that's really impacted my life pro family this year.

17:44

It's Nadine Macaluso, Jordan Belfort ex-wife.

17:48

You don't know who she is, look her up.

17:49

You're an SDR, you probably know who she is.

17:51

She's been a mentor, game changer,

17:53

on everything from living life, healing,

17:56

like running a business, like showing up for yourself,

17:59

being a mother, she 100% hands down outside a family

18:03

has been like the biggest mentor in my life this year

18:05

and has literally transformed it.

18:07

- She's a brother. - For so many reasons.

18:08

She's amazing.

18:09

She's just like very inspiring.

18:11

So that's from like life perspective

18:13

and being like a mother and like,

18:15

she had a similar experience to me.

18:16

From a recruiting perspective,

18:17

there's two people that come to mind.

18:19

Heather Belucci, who was a...

18:22

- Wasn't her first boss?

18:24

- She was my first boss in 2015

18:27

at Careers USA here in Boca.

18:30

And a whole 'nother story, but long story short is kind of cool

18:33

'cause it happens in every company, every culture.

18:36

There was a girl and we can call her Kim.

18:38

She had the same birthday as me.

18:40

She was... (laughs)

18:42

That was actually her name.

18:44

- Giving Taylor Swift's newest song.

18:46

- Yeah, it is giving Taylor Swift's newest song.

18:48

- I didn't even think about it.

18:49

Thank you, Amy.

18:50

We'll call her Amy.

18:51

Let's call her Amy.

18:52

- I was just gonna say let's call her Amy.

18:53

- Oh my goodness.

18:54

Okay.

18:55

She had the same birthday as me.

18:56

She didn't like the way I dressed

18:57

and she did not like my personality.

18:58

We all know not for everybody.

18:59

That's fine.

19:00

She was mean.

19:02

She was mean and I was upset.

19:04

And like, obviously it was a youngie in my career.

19:06

Like I didn't know how to be in an office

19:07

with someone I didn't like.

19:08

So we would kind of get into it.

19:10

Long story short, we had a fight blow up.

19:12

My mentor, my boss at the time,

19:14

who was still in touch with

19:15

because at the time,

19:16

she was going through something I recently went through.

19:19

So she, 10 years, nine years later,

19:22

is still in my life as a mentor and friend.

19:24

Long story short, we got into a fight

19:26

and we worked everything out

19:27

and then she pulled me aside,

19:28

my mentor at the time and she said,

19:29

"You know what, Stephanie?

19:30

"There's always gonna be another Kim.

19:32

"No matter where you go.

19:33

"You don't need a quit

19:34

"because there's always gonna be another Kim."

19:36

So my point is is that even in my office in New York,

19:39

I knew there were more Kims.

19:40

So I knew to stay in my own lane.

19:42

But like that advice was super helpful

19:44

in my understanding and culture, right?

19:47

'Cause my job is to go in and help managers and candidates

19:50

who are tired of some toxic cultures.

19:52

Having that reminder that there's always another Kim,

19:54

you essentially take yourself wherever you go

19:56

and there are people that are gonna mirror Kim

19:59

in the office, that impacted me.

20:01

There's something recently that had happened.

20:02

I don't wanna share it yet.

20:04

It's a story that's kind of ongoing,

20:06

but I have a dear friend who has recently shown up

20:09

as a mentor.

20:10

She is patient, loving, powerful,

20:12

understands the nuances of the past few years.

20:16

And I would say she's a mentor

20:17

because she is teaching me other skills

20:20

that I think it's important to have

20:22

to move forward in a consulting and recruiting business.

20:25

So I'm not ready to call her out

20:27

or share any of the stories,

20:28

but she knows she's very special to me

20:30

and I'm grateful for this person

20:31

who's currently being a mentor

20:33

on one of the projects that I'm on right now.

20:34

So we're always learning

20:36

and I'm grateful for everyone that I get to connect with.

20:38

- I love that.

20:39

What's this saying?

20:40

- Well, I love you, Delilah.

20:42

I love you.

20:43

I'm sorry and I gotta shout you both out.

20:46

You too deserve kudos.

20:47

You've been the reason why I'm here today.

20:49

We'll just leave it at that.

20:50

Thank you.

20:51

I love you both.

20:52

You're part of it.

20:53

- We love you.

20:54

- Okay?

20:54

- Yes.

20:55

- Yeah.

20:56

- There's this saying that I heard the other day

20:58

kind of made me think of you where it's like,

21:01

you could choose to get rid of one thing,

21:03

to get everything.

21:05

And I feel like that could resonate a little bit.

21:08

- Oh my God.

21:09

- I'm gonna cry.

21:10

- No, but I would feel like, you know,

21:12

she's just this, I know we haven't been giving too much detail,

21:15

but like guys, she's a single mom and she owns a business.

21:19

We can put two and two together.

21:20

It's been difficult.

21:22

The fact that you've been able to like balance everything,

21:24

but to us, you're living such a now beautiful,

21:27

successful life.

21:27

I know it's been really hard,

21:29

but I think that turning point for you is giving up

21:32

what didn't serve you anymore.

21:34

And now like all you're experiencing

21:36

is like all this abundance.

21:37

So just like we've touched you, you've touched all of us

21:41

just by your story.

21:42

- You guys were a big catalyst to that.

21:43

And I will say it's still painful and I'm still learning,

21:46

but I know that Victoria said this to me 15 months ago.

21:49

She said, "Your future self will thank you."

21:51

And I will say that I'm proud of myself

21:54

and that everything is for my child moving forward.

21:56

So all the decisions I've made were the day I became pregnant.

22:00

- Beautiful.

22:01

Let's, so Stephanie, we like to close off

22:04

with some fun rapid fire questions.

22:07

So they are a little bit random,

22:09

but what would you say is the best,

22:11

I mean, you've said a lot of great advice,

22:13

I think through this whole episode,

22:14

but what's the best piece of advice you've ever heard

22:17

or received?

22:18

- Oh my goodness, that's a hard one.

22:21

- Yeah, that's a hard one.

22:23

- No, it's fine.

22:24

Let's think of something.

22:26

You got, okay, this one comes to mind.

22:27

You gotta put your own oxygen mask on

22:28

before you can help others.

22:30

And this year has been learning about

22:31

how to put my own oxygen mask on

22:32

because I depleted all my resources

22:34

from years of putting that elsewhere.

22:36

- I love that.

22:38

It's so funny you say that

22:39

'cause I was telling my mom something similar to that

22:41

'cause on a plane, it's really interesting

22:43

how you put yours on before other people.

22:46

So, oh my God, I'm gonna think about that tonight.

22:48

- So it's like a known saying.

22:49

People say that all the time,

22:50

like always put your oxygen mask on before.

22:53

- But it's just so, I don't know,

22:54

I feel like it goes against my grain a little bit internally.

22:57

Like I wanna help other people before myself,

22:59

but you can or I'll feel never be successful.

23:02

- Right.

23:03

- Yeah, I've learned it the hard way,

23:04

but at least I learned, right?

23:06

And there you go.

23:07

If you could switch lives to someone for a week,

23:10

who would it be and why?

23:11

- That's a hard one.

23:14

Oh my.

23:15

Victoria, Victoria, I'll be honest with you.

23:18

I miss my life in New York City.

23:20

I love my son to death,

23:22

but I do love my life as a single woman

23:24

without children living in Manhattan,

23:26

running around, being your age 27, 28 years old.

23:30

I miss that chapter.

23:31

I also would have thought through other decisions

23:34

more clearly before I made them.

23:36

That's okay.

23:37

I feel like people can normalize saying like,

23:41

yes, I love being a mom, but the shit's hard.

23:44

Like I would love to be a funny something for a day.

23:47

- All right.

23:48

- Well, it's not even that.

23:49

Here's another thing too.

23:50

- I thought you were gonna say,

23:51

Ariana Grande.

23:52

- No, no, oh, forget the magic chapter.

23:55

So I will say, so a couple things.

23:59

So what I wanna say is,

24:00

I know I could be funny for a second,

24:02

what I wanted to say a few things.

24:04

So I think the thing is, is that like,

24:05

for even like someone who's young

24:07

and like wants to settle down and like has this dream,

24:09

like for me, I think it's like, take your time

24:12

with the career, right?

24:13

Like I didn't get my act together with like work

24:15

until I was 29 years old, honestly.

24:17

Like I didn't experience abundance.

24:19

And yeah, like let's just like live in a three bedroom.

24:23

Things are fine.

24:23

Like thank God, I've a roof over my head.

24:25

I was so attached to a specific dream.

24:27

And what I learned and what someone had said to me recently,

24:29

it's okay to build a new dream, right?

24:31

So what I'm saying is that when I was 28, 27, 20,

24:34

I was in such a rush to make things happen.

24:36

And I was trying so hard to control things.

24:38

So where I feel like switching lives with my sister,

24:41

it's more or less like you have this whole opportunity

24:43

recreate or create a life and like learn

24:45

and like really take your time

24:46

and redesigning what that looks like for you.

24:48

And it's okay that I messed up.

24:50

It really wasn't, it wasn't, I didn't mess up.

24:52

Like I have a good life now.

24:53

It got me here, but I think I do miss being single

24:58

without a child in New York City running around.

25:00

Not gonna lie, miss it a lot.

25:01

So that's actually really profound.

25:05

Like I think that's-

25:07

I'm sure a lot of people can relate to that.

25:09

Yeah, I'm sure a lot of like-

25:10

I mean, I just shared about it today

25:12

and someone said I wanna be back in my own apartment

25:14

and watching Netflix.

25:15

Like I literally just posted about it.

25:17

So it's so timely on how you're asking.

25:18

I didn't even see your part.

25:20

So that's hilarious.

25:21

It's funny.

25:22

If you could rename yourself, what name would you choose

25:26

and why?

25:27

Oh my God.

25:28

Victoria, no, I'm just kidding.

25:29

(all laughing)

25:32

That's good.

25:33

Stephanie, do we need to unpack something in there?

25:35

Gaming.

25:36

Okay.

25:38

What's that girl's name for my starts with us?

25:40

I don't know.

25:41

Some-

25:42

Okay, actually I'm channeling Taylor Swift.

25:44

I would call myself Taylor and I'm manifesting.

25:46

I'll trade my life a day in a life with Taylor Swift.

25:49

Let's go back to Taylor.

25:50

Oh, her name's Lily.

25:52

Her name's Lily.

25:53

That's Lily Bloom.

25:53

That's Lily Bloom.

25:54

Yeah, Lily Bloom.

25:55

All right, I would be Lily Bloom

25:56

and I would go for read the book, Life Mayors the Book,

25:59

Lily Bloom or Taylor Swift

26:01

because Taylor's freaking awesome.

26:02

She rules the world right now.

26:03

That's who I thought you were gonna trade lives with.

26:06

Yeah, I'm gonna trade lives with Taylor.

26:07

I don't know, life's.

26:08

But, you know, Victoria's a well-

26:09

No, I like the Victoria melody.

26:11

Okay.

26:13

Well, this is your favorite question.

26:15

My favorite question of all time.

26:17

What is the most unusual item in your refrigerator

26:20

right now on the spot?

26:22

You don't have time to think about it.

26:23

I don't really have an empty fridge.

26:25

I don't really have a lot of food.

26:27

Milk, milk, it's Benjamin's milk.

26:29

That's like literally the only thing I have in there right now.

26:31

It's some fruit and veggies.

26:33

No, what's the most unusual item?

26:36

You for sure have like half a meat and avocado

26:41

in there or something.

26:43

It's just not in the fridge.

26:44

I have stuff not in the fridge.

26:45

I have, I'd say muffins.

26:47

No, that's not, no, no.

26:48

I actually just thought of mine.

26:50

Like mine would be pomegranate juice.

26:54

Why do I have that in the fridge?

26:55

It's unnecessary, but...

26:57

I just don't, like I'm really bad.

27:00

Like it's a real bachelor I've had.

27:02

Like I don't really have a lot of food.

27:03

I just have food that's for Benjamin.

27:05

We should have a hot pot after this.

27:08

Yeah, it's time you start going grocery shopping.

27:11

Yeah.

27:12

(laughing)

27:13

The last question, what's the last phone that you have?

27:15

I do have a lot of broccoli.

27:17

I do have a lot of broccoli and cookie dough.

27:19

Can't you always buy like bags and bags of broccoli,

27:21

but you never cook them.

27:22

My mom doesn't think you're paying.

27:24

They're weird.

27:25

'Cause I think I'll be healthy and if I get hungry

27:27

or an Instacart stuff, but then it like doesn't work.

27:29

So it doesn't matter.

27:30

So it doesn't work.

27:31

I stopped buying a bunch of broccoli.

27:32

I got a cut down.

27:33

What's the last photo that you have on your phone?

27:36

It's kind of weird.

27:37

So I'm working right now on being more effective

27:39

and organizing with my processes.

27:42

So I bought myself this big monitor and I have my laptop

27:45

and I took a picture of my setup

27:46

and I sent it to my family to prove

27:48

that I'm getting more organized.

27:50

Love that.

27:51

Sent it to mom and dad.

27:52

And it's you right after.

27:53

So yeah, that's the last picture.

27:54

- I don't think I received that actually.

27:56

- It's cute.

27:57

It has my vision board on the left.

27:59

Has my bookcase and then I have my sprays.

28:02

I'm gonna send it to y'all later.

28:04

And then I have a stroller like hanging out

28:06

and some baby stuff.

28:07

But I took that picture of my little setup.

28:09

- Balance.

28:10

- Love it.

28:11

- Well, Stephanie, it has been such a pleasure having you on.

28:15

I really appreciate you coming on here,

28:18

sharing some of your story.

28:20

I'm sure there are people out there who could watch this,

28:23

who work with recruiters, who work with agencies

28:26

or are looking to get in touch

28:28

that can definitely learn a thing or two

28:29

from hopefully from listening to this episode.

28:32

- Yes. Thank you so much, Beth.

28:34

- You just wanna talk life and ask me about my Risa Tisa story.

28:39

I'm happy to have a conversation with you.

28:42

- What's a Risa Tisa?

28:43

- You're gonna get mad.

28:44

Google it after.

28:46

- Oh, Lila, what's Risa Tisa mean?

28:48

- I don't know, I'm just gonna go with it and nod my head.

28:50

- You might wanna cut this out.

28:52

- Yeah, no, I think we'll probably keep it.

28:54

- Okay, good luck.

28:56

- Lila, anything you wanna end with?

28:58

- You're just so inspiring, I think,

29:00

on a professional and a personal level.

29:02

So like she said, reach out with any and all inquiries.

29:07

And she's a great person to talk to.

29:09

So thank you for joining us.

29:10

And I hope you guys enjoyed.

29:12

- Bye guys.

29:13

- Bye. - Bye.

29:14

(upbeat music)

29:16

(upbeat music)

29:19

(upbeat music)

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